What I hate about Docklands


Moving to Docklands was the best decision I ever made in my life. I love living here. It has so much going for it … but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. There are still things that really p…s me off, which I felt I needed to get off my chest!

What is the deal with architects? They seem to spend all their time designing the high-rise section of buildings and no time on arguably the most important part … street level. Why is so much of street-level Docklands just plain aluminium and glass shop-fronts? It’s so bland and boring. Ever think about varying texture, shape, form or material? Go back to school!

The kinetic sculpture outside the ANZ building in Docklands Park is absolutely spectacular when it is spinning rapidly in the wind. Unfortunately, I think I’ve seen it moving vigorously once in about seven years. Why is this wind-driven art work in the only wind-shadow in Docklands? Grrr!

After development of Shed 5 on the Yarra River and Seafarers Rest Park, Docklands (which is supposed to be a waterfront suburb) will be horribly divided from other communities and the water by Wurundjeri Way/Flinders St. It would make an enormous difference if the section of road outside Mission to Seafarers were to be put wholly or partially underground with a plaza or park on top. Earth to VicRoads … anyone?

Six or seven years ago the City of Melbourne held a consultation to learn what locals wanted in our urban forest. One of the suggestions was colourful autumn foliage. Why do all the new deciduous plantings turn dull brown in autumn? Docklands could have been turned into a gorgeous drawcard in autumn if colourful autumn leaves had been prioritised!

I know this is a universal problem and probably will be until the earth is swallowed by the sun but why, why, why do cigarette smokers drop their butts on the ground (often even when there is a cigarette bin nearby)? I’ll bet half of them would say they cared about the environment. Really???

Why the hell are all the buildings along the north side of the Yarra built so close to the water (Victoria Harbour precinct I’m looking at you)? Apart from the fact it creates substantial shadowing over the river, it leaves no room for anything other than walking or cycling. On the whole, much of the area is pretty bland. What a waste of waterfront!

Another tree related irk … I’m sure everyone knows there are lots of unhealthy and slowly dying Norfolk Island Pine Trees on Harbour Esplanade. Why does the council wait until they are dead before replacing them? At this rate I’ll be on a walking frame before the whole stretch is in good shape. Rip the Band-Aid off and replace all of the unhealthy trees in one fell swoop rather than stretch the process out over years and years. Please!

Lastly, why are there so many bloody Woolworths in Docklands? At last count we had four Woolworths and one Coles. To say I’m an Aldi lover would be an understatement; I’d marry Aldi if it were a person. Why couldn’t at least one of those Woolies have been an Aldi? The universe hates me!

Well that’s my first-world-problem rant, which I must say I found very cathartic as you may have been able to tell by all the exclamation marks. I could probably add a few more but too much of anything isn’t good. Despite all of that, unforeseen events excluded, I can assure you I plan on living in this wonderful suburb and continuing to enjoy everything it has to offer (including Woolworths) until I die.


Docklands voters turn green and sexy

Docklands voters turn green and sexy

August 3rd, 2022 - Docklands News
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