Too bad about being too nice

By Abby Crawford

We never know the path that life is going to take.

We can plan and believe and put faith in a certain vision coming together yet wake to find it’s on a totally different trajectory. How we deal with these changes – who we are before and after – is the most important thing.

I’ve had quite a few changes recently – changes in some things that I’ve worked hard to achieve, changes in some things that came to me as seemingly wonderful surprises, changes in my perceptions and understanding of what I thought was taking place. They haven’t been good changes. They’ve been most unexpected and stressful. It’s been hard, as it often is, to understand the why’s of how these things come about.

Why did that person betray you? Why did that business fail you? Why did it get so out of control?

Ah, all the questions can lead to sleepless nights and restless days as you ponder if you could have done better or should have done differently. Or if there was a second chance …

You can torment yourself in stressful circles. Who is to blame? What words started the unravelling? What actions formed the spiral, the twisted path to the bottom?

That’s where I got to – the bottom. I was feeling stressed, very anxious and like life was being greatly unfair.

It seemed that everything had gone wrong – at once. It was hard to see the path forward and even harder to rationalise what was happening. I analysed my actions, my intentions and I scrutinised my own behaviour. Had I been at fault? Was I the cause?

Well, as my friend told me, I was “too nice”. And she didn’t mean it as a compliment.

Being too nice, she implied, means you don’t believe that people could act in a particular way. You just don’t see the betrayal of some people coming.

And, as it had been happening on many levels to me – all in the same week – I had to pause and think about what she was trying to say.

I hadn’t anticipated the outcomes that I was confronted with because they just weren’t actions I would ever have taken.

Does it make them wrong? No, of course not. But it makes it difficult for me to understand, to predict or have strategies against – because it’s just not in my nature.

And so I thought about who I am and the fact that I am “too nice”. And, you know what? I decided that being who you are is the only true option you have.

So I choose to believe in people. I choose to believe in love. I choose to believe in fantastic opportunities rather than become negative, fearful or bitter and twisted by the number of times I have been let down.

Of course, my wall is a little higher after each hit and my heart a little thicker after each punch. But if being “too nice” means I finish last, well … I will sleep at night comforted by the fact that my moral compass is my guide and my ethics my playbook.

And that’s when the peace came. The stress of the unwanted changes melted away and I look to the future with hope.

What a woman wants is to never be hurt by those she trusts, but what a woman does need to realise is that some people’s mottos are simply “all’s fair in love and war”. My advice? Avoid those people with a motto of your own.

Take care of you this month. And be nice about it!

With much love until next month.

Abby x

Don’t forget you can reach me at [email protected]