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What women want -  June 2015

04 Jun 2015

Somewhere, over the rainbow …

We all have clouds that surround or follow us for short intense periods or, even worse, long drawn-out timeframes and I think we’ve all imagined a land far away that would free us from our pain and allow us to live in a place where dreams really do come true.

When our realities aren’t quite the way we want them, or are dramatically far away from how we ever imagined them, we can ache for an imaginary place where everything is better – where we can paint the picture that we want; Where we can control the outcome; Where everything is perfect.

I have had a cloud around me, not a storm, but a fog of discontent for the last month. It’s been generated by energy driven from fear, a fear that what I want isn’t going to happen.

It’s been hard to shake, difficult to remain positive, and damn near impossible to move on. It’s hard to exist in the usual space I occupy, one of determined busy-ness, passion for opportunity, love for the unknown, excitement for the idea of possibility.

I’m thinking too much, and it’s holding me in a space lacking clarity. It undermines my confidence and makes me question the very thing I would never have questioned before – myself.

And that’s the risk with over-thinking a situation. I’ve done a little bit of reading on this and it actually is more harmful than we might think. You see, when you start to truly “overthink” something, it creates this situation called analysis paralysis – you just can’t seem to get through it to the other side. Generally what happens is that the negative thoughts keep circling in our minds (questioning and pulling apart anything positive) and it ends up actually sustaining our sadness and negative fears – interfering with our initiative and problem-solving skills.

So what to do? How do we “fix” the problem we’re thinking about?

Well that’s the trap. You see you can’t go away and think for a week on how to fix the problem, as the reality is the problem is actually the habit to overthink! And, like all habits, you have to consciously act to break it.

Give yourself a time limit, say 15 minutes to “overthink” the issue you’re facing, write down everything you feel, you fear, you hope and don’t worry if it makes sense or not – just put it all down.

The next thing to do is to take ACTION. Decide on the next step. This avoids you being stuck in a period of inactivity and negativity. Take a step, even if it is just tiny, and you’ll feel better for “doing”.

But what step to take? OK, good question. Think of the big picture. Remove yourself from the immediate and think of the big picture of what you want to achieve. Bite the bullet and step – break the cycle of just “thinking”.

The most important thing to remember is you are not perfect, nor should you have to be. So striving for perfection is a recipe for disaster and the sooner you move past those perfectionist tendencies the quicker you’ll move past the issue that’s occupying all your thoughts.  

It’s also a good idea to overcome some of that fear. Ask yourself quite simply what the worst thing could be. And make peace with it. It is amazingly freeing.

So I am now realising that I have been trying to be the perfect person acting in the perfect way to make a dream come true. And, as that situation stretches on, I have instead started to doubt my own abilities. I have started to fear failure and I am overthinking to the point it is affecting the joy of everything else that is wonderful in my life.

But now I have a plan – one that focuses on action and not overthinking. I will keep my focus on the big picture and take the steps to get to where I am meant to be. I will not doubt myself or my worthiness to have that which I wish for.

What a woman wants is to wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind her. But what a woman needs is to realise she doesn’t need to be perfect, she just needs to be herself. And all else will fall into place.

Until next month
Abby x
PS please keep writing, I truly feel blessed to receive your letters each month.
You can get me at
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