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What Women Want - With Abby Crawford Image

What Women Want - With Abby Crawford

Do not fear how love can hurt you

What Women Want - April 2012

27 Mar 2012

“Live from your heart”. That’s the advice the YouTube video on positive energy will tell you. “Listen to your head” – mum’s advice. “It’s just not meant to be” – apparently that’s a message from the UNIVERSE.

And to be honest, the universe did sum it up pretty succinctly. It just wasn’t meant to be. Didn’t make me feel any better about it though.

You see I’ve been looking for an investment property. Well actually, I’ve been trawling through ridiculously cheap properties that look like they should be condemned in the hope that one fits the brief. I’m looking for the perfect combination of land size, renovation potential and subdivision possibilities. With great rental returns and capital growth forecasts. Do they exist? I thought I had found one!

I got really excited, in what I felt was a calm and rational way – thus pleasing both the YouTube video advice and my mother’s. I showed no sign of interest to the agent, I madly scribbled figures on scraps of paper until even I could no longer understand them – but I thought somewhere in there I could make money.

So I advanced it. I got my mortgage broker to exhaust all avenues of low doc options, and bingo – we got an approval. I drew up plans and kept an eye on the market. I spoke to my builder, my financial advisor and I cleared my plan with a conveyancing solicitor – this was going to work. I was ready. And I was starting to get “emotionally attached”.

As a person, I am an interesting combination of conservative and reckless. You never quite know which side is going to kick in at what time, and what results that will bring.  

Well, my conservative side kicked in, and despite all the advice I’d received – I didn’t put in an offer. A little voice inside me said “if it’s too good to be true, then it’s too good to be true” and I set about finding the fault that would justify me passing on this supposed gem. I found it relatively quickly - it was more of a “deal-breaker” fault than just a little hiccup. I had come close to owning a remote block of land that would only be good to grow tomatoes.

Did I see it as a saving grace? Oh no. A near miss? Nope. I felt miserable. It had been so close. I spent an incredible amount of energy wishing it was different, wishing it matched my needs, wishing it was perfect! As if that would change anything! The property sold the next day, to a family wanting to plant tomatoes in the incredibly vast backyard. So it was perfect for someone – just not for me. I still felt irrationally disappointed.  

And that made me think of something else – too often we spend too much energy wishing things were different. Wishing someone was a little closer to being “perfect” for us. Wishing a situation that we are emotionally attached to would change. Sometimes we have to accept that something is not what we need, even if it feels like it is close. We need to learn to let go.

So by all means live by your heart, but make sure you invest the energy from your heart in the right property (or person!). Listen to your head to help you work out if this property (or person) is a match to your needs … and if those two don’t add up, then its time to accept that “it’s just not meant to be”.

You’ll be amazed at how quickly something that IS meant to be will turn up, if you just let go of what wasn’t meant to be.

Have a great month!

Don’t forget you can email me anytime on (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Abby xx

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  • Avril Laurie at 1:38pm on 28/03/12

    Fabulously expressed Abby; not only an enjoyable read, but also sound advise.
    Much appreciated, Avril.

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