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The world is a battlefield. Fight, but without exception, choose kindness


What Women Want - October 2017

04 Oct 2017

By Abby Crawford

“If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting – time after time”.

How I have dreamt of having that person in my life, a partner, a lover, a soul mate there to catch me when I (and I do) fall. That person to pick you up, dust off your shattered dreams and pop you back on the path of happiness and hope. That person that tells you that there’s nothing to worry about, that whatever happens it will never be as bad as you think. That you can face it together. That they have, and always will, believe in you.

I have fallen asleep in times of stress only to wake in the small hours of the morning feeling isolated, scared and alone. Everything’s always the worst case scenario in the witching hours. There seems to be no outcome but failure when you are haunted by your fears in this sleep-deprived state.

I’m not an anxious person, I am someone who makes considered decisions, who believes in taking the right path, who seeks advice and consultation on big decisions. And yet, the stress of recent business partnerships has proven to be the single most stressful time of my life.

I long for the freedom to simply walk away. I want to wake up where the sun shines, where the positivity and optimism that I have long been known for, returns. But when you play in the big world you’ve gotta put on your big girl pants.

And when you have embarked on a big journey with a big vision – well let’s just say there are teams of lawyers keen to advise on the quickest path to the bottom when there is disarray in the team. Litigation is never a solution, in my opinion, yet losing everything in a battle of stubbornness hardly seems ideal either.

Frustratingly, I can see a very easy solution to bring peace and healing, yet it feels like the slightest wrong tone on the right words is enough to throw the negotiations out the window and we are back to square one. And so the stress has continued, for several months, with no resolution in sight.

Stress takes an awful toll on the mind, heart, body and soul and I have realised that it leaves you with a very negative disposition to so many beautiful things that surround you. It’s like you just don’t see the magnificence in the little things. And there is still magnificence in every day.

Stress is so invasive. It taints all that you have and clouds your vision to see only grey skies when you ache for sunshine.

But every cloud has a silver lining – and I’ve realised mine. I do have the man I love ready to catch me when I fall, time after time. And I do have the boy who looks deep into my eyes and tells me it doesn’t matter if we lose it all, his love is unconditional.

My dad, seeing the toll the stress was taking on me, simply packed a bag and drove two hours to move in for a while. He cooked, cleaned and poured wine – but most importantly he caught me as I fell, the same as he did when I was learning to ride and when my first boyfriend broke my heart.

He picked up the pieces and he reminded me I was never alone. And my son, the brave man-child of my house, who watched the tears bounce off my cheeks and my chin quiver, simply looked me in the eyes and said “mum, it doesn’t matter. We can always start again. It’s going to be ok” and then smiles his gorgeous grin.

With these two men in my life, I have everything I need and more. A whole world of love, happiness, laughter and joy.

As it turned out, the stress did stop and a resolution was reached and the lawyers were called off. I feel like the luckiest girl, not because we don’t have to start again, but because I realise that those who love me and believe in me would be with me every step of the way if we had to. And that, is what gives me strength.

What a woman wants is to never have to go into battle alone, but what a woman needs to know is that she has a small army on the ready for any battle she may be facing. Hug your family, hug your loved ones – for in their love is an eternal summer of sunshine.

With much love

Abby x

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