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What Women Want - October 2011

28 Sep 2011

There comes a time to say goodbye to things, and sometimes people, in life.

Perhaps it’s because you’ve outgrown them – shoes or friendships – and realise it really is time to move on to continue on your own path, to allow your own growth. Or perhaps you’ve just never really liked them, they kind of didn’t “fit” properly, and it’s just reached it’s natural conclusion. So it’s binned with a sense of relief.

But there are other times where you know you need to say goodbye, but you would give nearly anything not to have to do so.

I think it’s an incredible sign of maturity, not necessarily of age but more of wisdom, to be able to recognise when you’ve outgrown a friend, associate or even family member. You just have that realisation you need to move on as their negativity – or characteristic that was really getting up your nose! – has bothered you for the last time and it’s clear this no longer works.  You let them go.  

And, as opposed to in your youth when you might be more confrontational, more dramatic about a “break up” ensuring all parties are clear it’s finished, in maturity you simply move on in your mind and your heart – no big farewell, no words required, no hurt caused.

But other times words are required to farewell someone. It becomes incredibly important that you find a way to tell someone what they meant to you, what you thought of them, and how you’re going to miss them when they’re gone.

These can be the most incredibly difficult words to find, and often it feels so overwhelming trying to find them, that sometimes the person goes without having heard them.  

I guess in situations like this, when we find it so hard to say goodbye, that we are quietly and very desperately hoping that maybe goodbyes are somehow not going to be needed.

My advice for anyone in this situation is – find the words. Dig deep, be brave and work out what you need to say. It may not change the outcome, but you’ll be forever grateful that you got to say what you needed to say. Write it down, video it, say it face-to-face, paint it, sing it, just find a way. 

Before it’s too late, and that person leaves without knowing those important words you wanted to tell them.

I have a friend, not yet 40 years old, who is fighting the biggest battle for his life. I’ve seen those closer than I, struggle to tell him words that are important for them to say.

And I know that I struggle to find a way to tell him what I want to say. But I know I’m going to try, because I don’t want to wait until after we’ve had to say goodbye.

I was sent this quote not long ago, “Never regret growing older, there are too many people for whom that possibility is denied”.

Take care of each other this month, show the people you love how much you care, and never take the good times for granted – or even the bad times for that matter. Let’s just be grateful that we have more “times” ahead.

Till next month,

Abby x

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