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What Women Want - May 2012

01 May 2012

Trust is something that we should cherish.

It should be important to us that it is earned – both in its receiving and in its giving. It should be a value that we hold dear. If you say: “I trust them”, those words should speak volumes.  

Trust is both a reassuring and admirable quality for individuals, groups or businesses to hold – one that is not won easily, but once awarded is then not questioned. We should strive to hold people’s trust, to act with integrity and to live by honourable intentions, for our word to be worth something.

Well, apparently that’s in an ideal world. It seems that in the real world, you “walk a gauntlet” to trust many things outside your immediate family – and even they can rip your heart out from time to time.

It seems trust is not a moral code that many people or businesses even try to offer as an integral value of their culture. This is particularly true, it would seem, in those who perceive themselves to be in a position of power. Words are spoken in order to get what they need. And then those words are forgotten, as though they have served their purpose to secure what they determined was of more value for them to hold, than you. And without the slightest hint of remorse, they take what they came for. Ruthless business? Perhaps. Manipulation? More likely. Exploitation? Without a doubt.

The most sinister part of this situation, is that it can lead to your own self-doubt – your own remorse, rather than outrage. Too often, we start to blame ourselves for the lack of moral fibre of others. It becomes easy to say: “I should have known”. You think that somehow, in the frantic pace of life, whilst bearing the weight of responsibility for so many different facets of your existence, you should have seen the wolf in grandma’s clothes.

Sure, you’ve spotted the individual a mile away who’s just in it for themselves. And you’ve known to hire a solicitor to double-check the fine print of every clause of a contract. I’m not talking about the obvious wordsmiths in life. I’m talking about the ones that very cleverly, and very manipulatively, see people’s vulnerabilities and hopes and use it to their advantage. Those that you just didn’t see coming.  

I’m currently kicking myself for trusting something. I believed it would be a certain way, because that’s what I was told. I questioned it, but I was reassured by words. I outlined my concerns and was told they were unnecessary. And because I wanted the situation to be true, I wanted to trust their word – I made a leap of faith.

I put myself boldly into a situation that, as it turned out, wasn’t quite as it “promised” to be. Ah, what to do?

And I think that the only thing to do, is to continue to live by your own code of conduct. In the face of being let down by others, don’t question yourself for trusting them. Let them hold their own failings and instead trust that karma will make a small note against their name.

Hold your own head high, and remember your own values. And slowly, sort things out for yourself. Sometimes people in a position of power throw their weight around with little regard for others. They give little thought to the words they use, they believe they are too important to be concerned.  

Remember, it may be nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice.

Have a great month.

Abby x

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