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A Royal Commission into industry scandals

What women want - August 2016

05 Aug 2016

[Intimidate] – verb or present participle: intimidating

Intimidating is intentional behaviour that “would cause a person of ordinary sensibilities’ fear of injury or harm”.

Sadly, and not for the first time, I have been called “intimidating” by a man. It is a most confusing statement, in my opinion. You see, it’s most often been said within a very short time of meeting me. Some have said it by way of explanation – “I’m sorry, but you’re just too intimidating”. Others have said it almost sympathetically – “I bet I’m not the first person to tell you you’re too intimidating”.

Here’s what I think. Boys may be intimidated, but men should be excited.

I, like so many beautiful women I know, am passionate about so many aspects of my life. I have rock solid friendships. I have businesses I am dedicated to – I love overseeing their success, and don’t hesitate to pull all nighters to finalise a report or project. I dream of new business concepts in my spare time, drink wine with my friends, and laugh under the stars about the pitfalls and failures in life. I have family that I would die for, a home I adore and pets who fill it with love. And, of all my roles, my most precious and treasured is that of being a mother to my incredible son. I work around the clock so he can have the things I believe he deserves – a good education, a relationship with his grandparents, rowing training, guitar lessons. I give everything I have to the relationships that count. And I’m happy.

I don’t need a man. I haven’t had a partner for a long, long time. I am just fine on my own and I can provide all that we need – with a lot of hard work of course. But here’s the thing – I would have loved one. I dreamt of a partner, someone to journey the path with, the highs and lows, the hopes and successes, the tears and frustrations. I thought I’d met someone, long ago. However he showed his true colours to be disloyalty, dishonesty and a few more unacceptable traits. I was told that the “moral play-board you live by is too high”. After that, I have completely let go of any secret hope of finding a loving partner, I have completely let go of any desire to be with someone and I have completely closed the door to prevent such ridiculous comments as “you’re intimidating” from reaching me. I have instead immersed myself in this wonderful life that I am living.

But to the many, many women out there that may be hearing something similar - maybe you’ve heard such comments for the first time, maybe you’re young and still full of hope for this elusive love, maybe you’re questioning yourself - here is what I will say to you: never make yourself weak, in order to make a man strong. If he can’t handle you in all your glorious self, then simply move on. I hope for you, that there will be another man who sees you for who you are and loves every aspect of you.

It would seem I’m not the only one to feel this way:
 “Dear Woman, Sometimes you’ll just be too much woman. Too smart, too beautiful, too strong. Too much of something that makes a man feel like less of a man, which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman. The biggest mistake you can make is removing jewels from your crown to make it easier for a man to carry. When this happens, I need you to understand, you do not need a smaller crown – you need a man with bigger hands.” Michael E. Reid.

What a woman wants is often very simple, very honest, and very authentic. Sometimes what a woman gets is a reaction stemming from some sort of fear that she can’t comprehend. But what a woman needs to know is that being called intimidating is nothing short of ridiculous and only reflects badly on the man who said it.

May we find strength and happiness together and I hope that anyone else who is alone can find the happiness and joy I am finding in my now permanent state of being single.

With much love,
Until next month
Thank you for your emails, I truly love receiving them. You can reach me at (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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