Cuisine Undercover - Squires Loft - 3.5 Stars

“I’m sorry sir, we’re fully booked …”

Excuse me? I blinked and swung my head around to check – had I accidentally wandered over the hill and into the CBD? But no – there was the water, twinkling in the sunlight, and the promenades. All the things we love about Docklands – except one. A cold chill ran through me as I contemplated the beginning of the end. Would we soon no longer be able to take our pick of local restaurants, even on Fridays, without having to worry about booking? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I eyeballed the girl at the front desk of Squires Loft, her polite but proud smile melting my irritation. Slowly I also began to feel a sense of pride. As we locals no doubt always suspected, it was bound to happen some time.

To Squires Loft’s credit, my request to make a later booking was handled with grace and when we did saunter back our table was ready. A request to then move to a sunnier position was equally smoothly handled. Now almost salivating with hunger, I eagerly perused the menu, anxious to test their claim of “the finest steak, ribs and char grill in Australia” – a mighty big call when you share your homeland with the likes of Rockpool.

A quick check of the wine list reassured me that my palate would be treated with appropriate respect – a good choice of hearty reds predominantly from South Australia’s Barossa, Coonawarra and McLaren Vale regions were available by the glass. One of the few Victorian regions to hold its own against such climates – Heathcote – was also represented and I loyally chose to drink from there.

A minor gripe – the glasses are rather pricey, the majority ranging between $10 and $15. It’s fortunate such full bodied varieties don’t encourage sculling. Even I managed to pace myself at that price.

But now for the main event – the steak. Throwing caution (cash, and cholesterol) to the wind, I went for the 300g Angus Eye Fillet at $55 a pop, accompanied by the green pepper sauce (an extra $4.50). The menu promised an “absolutely incredible taste and texture sensation”, with “robust taste and maximum tenderness”, so I anxiously awaited the arrival of my 100 per cent certified Australian Angus – forgoing an entrée which, viewed from a distance, seemed the size of a main meal.

My friend’s Wagyu Saucy Burger at the much more reasonable price (although still up there for a burger) of $25.50 arrived first, and unable to help myself, I stole one of her crispy onion rings, dipped in her side of mushroom sauce. I moaned in ecstasy and suddenly longed for a hang-over – the kind when really good food that’s just so bad for you tastes even better.

And then suddenly, it was there. Juicy and plump, boasting the delightful criss-cross of the char grill. I launched in and closed my eyes, directing all senses towards my mouth. It did not disappoint.

As I approached the centre, my spirits were high. Having ordered it rare, it was impressively pink, darkening appropriately as I moved towards the centre, yet not bleeding all over my plate. But suddenly my heart sank. As I hit the red centre, I detected a distinct chill in my mouth. The centre was cold.

I was enjoying it so much, I was almost reluctant to send it back, momentarily considering just sawing around the edges. But again, to the staff’s credit, they whisked it away without so much as a hurrumph and it returned soon after with a complimentary side serve of the special baste cooked juuuust right.

Look, I have a few minor complaints. Despite incredibly attentive service up until this point, once the meals were served it proved quite hard to get the wait staff’s attention. My re-cooked steak came back with no cutlery, which I eventually had to fetch myself and my first glass sat empty long after my meal was finished; and I had to go to the bar for a refill.

However, they got so much right, it’s hard to begrudge them a few wrongs. Even the cold steak could almost be forgiven as I arrived for a potentially unpredicted second sitting.

Clearly, they’re doing enough to satisfy the Docklands crowd. If they could just tweak a few minor glitches I’d have no trouble ranking it, as they already claim to be, among Melbourne’s best steakhouses.

3.5 Stars