Having a great time back in Scotland

Having a great time back in Scotland.  Oh how nice it is to see rain … just not everyday!  Anyway, it is so nice to spend time with family and friends.  I went out last night to my old local where everyone thought it would be nice to shout “g’day” in a really bad Australian accent at me and then ask if I wanted a Fosters mate!

Do you get snakes in your garden. Have you seen a shark. Do you have a pet kangaroo?  And no, these question did not come from my 6-year-old nephew Drew, but from fully-grown men. What about the spiders? I hear they bite your bum when you sit on the toilet!

I had not realised the image that Australia had in the Highlands of Scotland. What was I to do, put them right or enjoy my moment of fun?  It was obvious that I needed to educate my fellow Scots.

“Yes!” I said. “The sharks are huge. They swim around the boats at Docklands. We don’t report it in the paper as it is bad for tourism.  But, between you and me, a day does not go past without me seeing a great white down at Yarra’s Edge.”

“But don’t worry,” I went on, “They are only dangerous if you don’t know what you are doing.”

I went on like I was Steve Irwin giving them tips on what to do if they were ever attacked! I discussed my night time routine of taking dangerous spiders out of my bed and how to deal with a crocodile!

Enjoying the attention, I went even further discussing my pet kangaroo. “Everyone has one you know. My kanga helps me do the laundry.  She carries clothes pegs in her pouch and hands them to me when I am hanging clothes on the line – just like keeping a dog,” I said.

But of course they knew I was lying, or did they? I think when the barman asked me to come around the back as there was a large snake he wanted me to take a look at I realised I had been rumbled!

What ever did he mean!!!????