Some clarification ...

Last month I wrote to you about how content I am with my life … My single life, with my busy business plans and tiny family to love. 

My single life that is free of relationship hassles and partner issues. My single life that is mine to live, in the way I choose, in the manner I wish. My single life – hmm.

I think perhaps I should have framed my last column a little differently. I think perhaps I should have had greater clarity, that I should have checked the picture I was painting. You see, I think I might have over sold my single life.

The truth is, that I have managed or learnt or simply evolved to being content with my life just the way it is. And that just happens to be as a single person. And I think there’s a very important differentiation between saying “I am happily single”, and saying “I am happy and happen to be single” … Let me elaborate.  

Happiness itself is not found in or out of a relationship. Happiness itself is not the absence of relationship issues, nor the privilege of only having to make the bed if you want to. Happiness can only be found from within and that happiness – or contentedness – gives you the “lens” to see the positives in the situation that you are in. Happiness from within has given me a sense of peace and a perspective that has helped me to focus on all the beautiful things that can be attributed to being single – because the fact is I’m single and meeting the right person is not something that I can take control of or make happen. So I have, fortunately, learnt to love my single life.

It does not mean that I don’t ache to fall into the arms of a loving partner at the end of a tough day. It does not mean that I wouldn’t love to crack a champagne with my beloved after a business triumph and it does not mean that I don’t dream of an idyllic tropical holiday complete with summer love … All it means is that I have learnt to love what I do have. But it has taken some time to reach this point.

So the clarity I have, is that you can find happiness within yourself if you can focus on what is right about your situation rather than what is missing. And when I say that you are enough to make your greatest dreams come true, and that you are everything you need to have a magnificent life – I do not mean that you need to be single to realise this. 

You just need to be you and I find that if you believe your life is perfect just the way it is, well it makes it a lot better!. 

I still have big goals for my life and I believe we all should still have big goals no matter how “content” we are. Content is not a finite place, but rather a realisation that all that we are, and all that we have within, is beautiful enough to bring us happiness. And being content doesn’t mean we wish for nothing, but that we love what we have.

So I say to all my friends - those single, those married, those not sure they’re with the right person, those working, those retired, those seeking, those who feel lost, those who feel elated, those succeeding and those struggling – that great things come from making peace with the journey you are on and seeing what is great about exactly where you are right now. And it’s important, because life is what is happening right now, not what you wish could happen in the future.

What a woman wants is for every aspect of her life to be perfect and happy, but what a woman needs to realise is that life is not like that – and isn’t it about time we all made some peace with ourselves and gave ourselves a little love? 

Thank you for your emails this month, I feel privileged to receive them.

With much love

Abby

PS you can reach me at [email protected]